Reader Question #1 – Authenticity around Spirituality

Send to Kindle

“How do I deal with the loneliness of not being able to share this part of my life with the people who are in my life. I feel like I live two lives and have since I was very young.”

One thing you will see, time and time again, throughout this blog, is how I have struggled with this exact problem. I think the loneliness comes from our own acceptance of prominent social expectations.

When, in the past, you have shared something that you saw or heard with others, so many people have told you, in one way or another:

  1. Ghosts don’t exist
  2. It was just a dream
  3. Maybe you ate something funny
  4. I am worried about you

With each time you hear one of these things, your faith in what you see is subtly undermined with a shelf of doubt. Most people don’t realize that they can hear, and sympathize without having experienced it themselves. But, people have been trained to not trust anything more than the physical senses. I have so frequently been told that by seeing spirits I am being seduced by the devil. Ironically, they say it this way so it is not like I am at fault for this. They speak so it is something that is being done to me, so it is kinder. Funnily enough, having experienced these spirits, it would be a form of torture if I were a victim, and had no control. (But that is another story) So many of the fears and biases come forward as a self-defense mechanism to keep us safe within our society.

For instance:
When I was 4 or 5 years old, I realized that the people around me did not see the other ‘people’ I saw. And from that age, I started changing the way I acted. I would stop staring at these other ‘people’, no matter how fervently they were trying to get my attention, as I was already learning that it was not acceptable to see them.

We have all changed the way we act around others to deal with THEIR level of comfort with the spirit world. This is the basis of the problem. And to be honest, this doesn’t yet answer your question. Simply identifies how your question has become so relevant for so many of us.

There are two possible answers for how I deal with the loneliness that comes from separating an aspect of yourself from the world within which you live.

This first option is to accept that the world will never see what you see, and allow that aspect of yourself to die. Not the answer I would propose to most, but there are times when people are not ready for the more difficult option. And if living in the current limbo between solutions is too much, this is the route to more quickly deal with the issue at hand. But I am happy to say that this is not the solution that is right for you.

~ And for my readers, I do know who this question came from. But, by looking at the question above, you will see that in writing the question above, ze (gender neutral pronoun for he/she) has written this with a longing to bring those two aspects of hir (gender neutral pronoun for his/her) life back to one. Ze does not want this aspect of hir life to die.

The second option is far easier in words than it is in effort. But here is the list of tasks you must do to deal with the loneliness (and in this order). And as I have gone through these, and (barely) survived (and still struggle everyday), I would like to share them with you.

  1. Accept yourself as you are. You must know that when you see or hear ghost/spirits/energies/deities/etc you are okay.
  2. Think about your fears in detail. Think on each one, and find its source. “If I tell people that I hear my dead friend speaking, everyone will think I am crazy, and shun me.” After you have thought about what this fear is, take some time, in your own head, and think about that fear. Where does it come from? If you are willing to hear it, I bet you will come to several instances in your life where there have been large or small comments that have made this feel like truth to you. And as you think back, you will find the ONE comment that made the difference. “I had a girlfriend in high-school, and I REALLY liked her, but when I asked her about ghosts, she told me I was crazy, and ran out. I got a text later that she had broken up with me.” (This is an example, this did not really happen to me.) Take the time to think on that memory, and realize that YOU ARE OKAY!
  3. Put consistent effort into loving yourself. Loving yourself in your entirety, even accepting what fears you have not been able to let go of. I have even found some chanting can assist. (Learned from Emotional Freedom Technique) “I am afraid my friends will abandon me, if they knew all of me, but I accept myself.”
  4. Be Brave. Test the waters, or come right out with it. Don’t hide this part of yourself. Be true to yourself, trust yourself, and trust those you chose to spend time with. If you are spending time with a close friend who doesn’t know this aspect of you. Give them a chance to know you. Preface it however you would like, but you should start a conversation. (Start one person at a time if you need) Tell them that there is an aspect of you, that you want them to know about, but you fear telling people. And tell them as much as you feel you can in that moment. This will get the ball rolling.

It is important to note that almost all of the people I have been clear and honest with on this topic, have been truly honored that I would share something so personal with them. This truth has brought me closer to many people. There will always be a few that do not take it that well. And here is what I have to say there. If a person cannot accept the whole of who you are, are they worth having in your life? So take a chance, try it. If they don’t respond well, simply appreciate that their response is about where they are in their personal journey, and not about where you are in yours. That will allow you to still offer them care, and find a way to separate yourself from a tough place. I have the greatest confidence that you will start finding that as you tell people, you will see more clearly that separating the aspects of yourself, has built a wall between you and your friends. By being honest, and speaking your own truth, you will give them the trust they deserve, and you will form closer bonds.

Even when you have 2 or 3 people who know your truths, you will find the loneliness abates.

I wish you luck in your adventure, and I loved answering this question.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *