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And this time, She took the form of a beautiful pale woman in a red dress.  I was sitting in a lounging couch and She walked in, past me, and stopped.  I could see the back of Her.  I got up, walked towards Her.  She seemed deeply saddened about something.

I thought she was my dear friend, my spirit partner, Natalia.  I placed my hand (with intention of being comforting) on her shoulder. She went rigid and turned to me almost instantaneously, and glared into my eyes.  “I did not give you permission to touch me!”

It is important to know that there is not much that scares me.  Very few spirits, or entities, or humans.  Her look terrified me. I took a step back and apologized for the familiarity as I thought She was a friend of mine.

“I have been your friend, and I will be your friend, but not now.  Now we don’t know one another. Come with me.”

And then we were on the roof of the mansion we were in.  She was carving something into the stone at the top of the chimney.  She said, “To show you what I offer in our arrangement, I will help you”  She engraved something into the stone and turned to me.  “You should start to have an easier time now, we will talk again soon.”


When I woke up, I thought, who the hell was that?  And in my mind, I heard “Hecate, we have been close before, and we will again” followed by a laugh.

Things got easier…

Thinning of the veil

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Interesting time period as a sensitive.  This is the time of year when the veil between realities is at its thinnest, and it is easier for people to encounter spirits/entities/etc.

As a sensitive, it is always amazing the things you will see (and then realized that others don’t).  This year is a bit different for me.  I have been working closely with the new relationships I made in my Initiation to the South.

So far, I have spent 2 weeks with:

  1. Hatun Amaru (The Great Serpent)
  2. Otorongo (Jaguar)
  3. Huanacauri (Dragon)
  4. Siwar Q’enti (The Royal Hummingbird)
  5. Kuntor (The Condor) ~ Working with at Present

Will work with:

  1. Huáscar (Trickster spirit of the underworld) (Ironically will be with him/her over Halloween.  This should be interesting.
  2. Pirua (An organizing spirit of the Middle World)
  3. Pachakuti (An organizing Spirit of the Upper World)

At this moment in time, I am enjoying time with Kuntor.  And as part of this relationship building process, my team of spirits have stepped back so that I can really learn these new spirits as they will help me grow.  They are also shielding me from others.

I still speak briefly with my Ancestors, and while my team (Michael, Natalia, Aieulli) remain silent out of respect.  But in this time with the thinning veil, I hear my Ancestors, Hecate, Rabbi Jesus, Natalia, Aieulli, and Michael when none of us expect it.

Even with this much protection, it is easy to feel as if you are crazy from time to time, when voices appear in your head, and aren’t necessarily related to any of the conversations you are having.

I have been struggling with the idea of posting things about my learning process, and how I got from My Awakening (Parts 1 & 2) to where I am now.  Each time I think about it, I think that it is no longer a concern because I now understand that dilemma so well, and have grown past it. But then I realized, as this blog is for me to look back and remember, as well as possibly being helpful for others, I will start those posts.

Hecate named me, “Torch Bearer”, and by that, I take that I am NOT a teacher, but I am a person that can take people from on the edge, guide them to their path, and allow them to find a teacher.  I think that posting about my history, can help others.



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I have recently been so over… ummm, burdened? no.  Over… filled? no.  I have been so inundated  with new energy ever since we did the South work, in the progression of becoming a Shaman of the Peruvian lineage.  Now, it is not that that ceremony gave me more energy, it allowed me to see it more clearly. I can see more clearly, and definitely feel energy in new ways.

For quite some time, I have been considering the idea of how to proceed with this new energy. And while, there are ideas about how to harness it to help in “making the crops grow”, as it were, the biggest challenge I have had is controlling it.

In my everyday, I work hard to control my actions and my words to get exactly and only the results I anticipate.  (This is a rough practice where everyday I hope to fail a little bit less than the day before ~ But I am slowly getting comfortable in my skin)

For instance, if you are using a sword, if you focus on moving the back end of the handle only a quarter of an inch, you have to anticipate that with a 45″ blade, you will be moving the tip of that sword closer to 6″ in the opposite direction.  A small action can have a large consequence if you don’t plan ahead.  Now, what if you are handed a larger sword, a length you have never used, and you have to practice this 1/4 inch movement in a crowd of people.

This is the dilemma I am talking about.  I knew how to control my old energy.  Now that I perceive so much more energy, how do I limit my actions from changing things I don’t intend?  If I have my new sword that is somewhere between 80″ and 105″, how am I supposed to keep people safe from the tip, when I have to practice my movement, but cannot predict the range of the tip?

I took some time to think about this, and I realized that I needed to speak to someone about it.  How do I deal with this new energy, in a way that allows me to learn, while not harming people.

So much work has gone into cultivating the relationships with Rabbi Jesus, where I envy and would like to show the types of compassion he can, as well as Hecate.  She is somewhat cold and to the point.  Her energy is concise, and definitive, and she will lash out from time to time. There is so much in her energy that I feel makes me a better person.

How can I take these two energies, harness them to become who I most need to be, while being aware of this new perception of the immense energy I now keep with me. To be honest, this idea is really unsettling for me.  So I asked for help.

I met with our Rabbi, and she is truly as spiritual as anyone I have met.  Without a word from me, she informed me that she sees that I am concerned with how to wield my newly received energy. (Damn, she is good)  And we were able to speak about it. She informed me that in the Jewish faith, and forgive me for butchering this as I paraphrase, you will carry a good energy on your right, and a harder energy on your left.  The work is to realize that harder is not bad, or evil, just harder.  And if you could remove all of the hardship from your life, you would do nothing. Challenge is the proponent to growth.  And she compared Rabbi Jesus and Hecate as my good and challenging.  With that comparison, I need to respect both, utilize both, but find the balance for the life I wish to present.   ~What wisdom…

So, I am set forth with the challenge of finding where my compassion leads and where my boundaries need to become more apparent.  Still rough.  Last night, I spoke with my wife (another remarkably wise soul) and she pointed out the flaw in my thinking.  (And I think the Rabbi was saying it, and I wasn’t hearing it) it is not about, working with 1, until it is time to switch with another, it is about always holding compassion, even when you must hold a strong boundary.  It is about always living both.

Both of these energies were elated.  She had explained it to me in words I could here.  I need to hold my compassion, and my boundaries simultaneously, neither giving in, nor pushing away. I am a silo that interacts when I need to, and where I need to. The boundaries allow me to hold my own strength. Allow me to show infinite compassion while never being taken advantage of.  Balancing this dichotomy is the road to true strength over this energetic dilemma.